for this last semester before I graduate.
I have paid my dues, I don’t want to write your essays or take your tests.
I’m done, and sleepy.
when will philosophy essays start writing themselves?
It’s a sad, sad day when your vibrator breaks. RIP.
when did being happy become so terribly hard?
I think it’s time for me to come back to the blogging spot.
So much inspiration about life, creativity, and myself blossomed from this website and I think I am in dire need of it again.
When I first came to Tumblr, it allowed me to connect with myself, to find out what I want from the world, where I should go, what I should do.
Somewhere along the line I have lost that connection with myself.
So, I’m starting back here.
Back to the place I first found all of the inspiration I needed to explore, expand, and share.
I’m excited to get back on that level with myself.
There’s nowhere else for me to run away to. I am trapped in an air tight container.
is something I have always struggled with. Now, probably more than ever. I’m having trouble finding the peace within myself that I was so proud of not too long ago. I felt reawakened, alive, full of light and energy. These days there have been gray clouds hovering over me. It’s come to a point where I know that I don’t have the same connections with my ‘friends’ as they do with each other. (And I say 'friends’, because lately I don’t talk to any of them, at all.) I’ve been aware of the disconnect between me and them for a while now, and can’t seem to figure out whether or not I want to accept it and roll with it, or work for some kind of connection again.
I only seem to feel this way with a group of girls. Often wondering if I’m just not the kind of girl who is supposed to be close with a huge group of girls. I don’t think I am, I just don’t operate in that setting. Which isn’t bad, it’s just the way it is. If that is so, then how to I balance the feelings of feeling left out, with not caring about what they do with each other.
I get offended when they don’t include me. I get offended when they do include me. And I think I get upset when they do include me because it is always in plans that they have already came up with. I feel like they just invite me along with because I live in the same house. If I didn’t live here too, would they even bother?
in all of the people around me and the connections, strong or lack-there-of, I have with them and it has been consuming me. I’ve forgotten the most important connection of all. The one with myself. My alone time, where I got to sit and pick my brain. It quickly got swept away by spending the night with my boyfriend every night. I used to use some of those nights to smoke by myself and just chill and have one on one time with myself. I need those nights still. They are so important to my mental health, I love them. Reconnecting with my own personality now, need to get back to that before I start to worry about any other connections.
My house is a hostile where all my friends come to congregate and hang out and party. All I want to do right now is be alone. Already went out for a run. There is no other place for me to go. How do I tell everyone to please get the fuck out of my house? I’m so annoyed. So frustrated. Maybe I’ll just take a bunch of melatonin and pass out until tomorrow. Hopefully.
I think there is an abundance of words in this world, and I only choose to speak when I feel it is right. (Or whatever, you know)
But I am surrounded by lovely, loud people who talk over and interrupt to get their stories out. It’s difficult, I feel like I never get to share anything with them because I can never get a word in. I feel like my best friend’s here don’t know anything about me. And in turn, they are all texting all day everyday about who knows what, and I feel so left out. I mean, on the other hand, I don’t have anything to say anyways at all hours of the day so it really doesn’t matter but still.
There is this huge disconnect with my favorite people. I’m sure they don’t even see it, or notice that I’m feeling out of the loop. Like how do I even go about working on it, “hey could you guys shut up so I can talk now?” Nope. That doesn’t really work.